Sib and Cathy Circa 1994 - I am pregnant with my oldest son
Life is full of twists and turns and diverging paths. Some things you consciously choose, others simply happen. Our purpose as I see it, is to make the most of what we have, get through those difficult times with grace and try as hard as we can to find the silver lining or the lessons in those twists, turns and paths. From those silver linings and lessons we grow, become wiser, hopefully learn to choose happiness, and to share our wisdom with others in ways both subtle and obvious.
Ten years ago today I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer. Six weeks later I lost my Dad to complications from a stroke. My kids were 7, 5 and 3 and both of my parents had been ill for more than a year. Without question it was one of the most difficult times I have ever experienced. I still wonder how I got through not only the 18 months they were both sick, but the grief afterwards. Thanks goodness for my supportive and loving husband, friends, family and in-laws.
I miss my parents greatly, especially my Mom. She understood me and was there for me without fail. We were two very different people and oftentimes did not see eye to eye, but as mothers do, she loved me unequivocally and I her. She gave me strength and confidence, she listened, even when I am sure she vehemently disagreed or thought I was completely out of line. She advised, subtly, never telling me what to do and sometimes not cluing me in to her true feelings about my decisions for fear of influencing my choices or prohibiting my growth. She was a friend and a fan and we were very close. What I miss most about her is that she was a beacon to me, a person who was always there when I needed her most, and even when I didn't. Even today, ten years later, I feel a longing to be with her, to call her up, and share not only the happenings in my day to day life, but my deepest thoughts and feelings, a longing that no spouse, sibling, in-law or friend, however wonderful, can fulfill. The longing of a child for her mother.
Sib Circa 1970
One of my silver linings has been a level of understanding and compassion for others going through the experience of aging or ill parents. I try to reach out, listen and sympathize. I am not always the best at it, but I think others comprehend my sincere understanding and it helps them. Another is my love and appreciation for my mother and father in-law. I have been blessed with the most amazing in-laws and I knew that from the beginning, but these past ten years have taught me that I can't take that for granted and I should make the most of every minute with them.
I could go on, but I'll stop here.
Thanks for listening today, I don't often share a lot of really personal things here on Room Rx, and this was not easy, but the courage to share these thoughts and emotions with you began with reading things other bloggers have shared in this series,
and grew, because today I wanted to think of and honor my Mom.
11 comments:
Ah, Cathy. Thanks for your beautiful reflections. Your mom was awesome, one-of-a-kind, and I remember laughing through tears with you during those bizarre times over a decade ago. The courage your mom showed during her illness was something I think of often when I'm mad at my life or upset with the circumstances confronting me.
It takes your breath away to think about ten years passing, doesn't it? Know I'm thinking about you in a special way today. You're so blessed to have Tom, your awesome kids, and your family and friends in your life. And they (we), of course, are blessed to have you.
Be good to yourself.
Obrigada por compartilhar seus sentimentos mais profundos.Afagos em seu coração.FELIZ DIA DAS MÃES PARA VOCÊ.
wow, this is so bittersweet, cathy. thinking of you today. i don't really have words, but just know i am thinking of you.
What a wonderful tribute to your beautiful mom, Cathy! To be honest, this is my second time coming back to leave you a comment and tears are streaming down my face at the thought of losing both your parents and your sentiments about wishing you could talk with your mom. She would be delighted to know what a gem you are!
I'm with Pam - I'm sitting at Starbucks right now all sniffly and teary eyed. It does take so much courage to write about what is really on your mind, and all I can say is thank you for sharing and thank you for being the wonderful supporter that you are. I've been thinking about doing a "things I'm afraid to tell you" post as well. I don't get super personal, but I think it's good to get it down in writing and clear the head a little. Sipping my coffee and thinking of you today Cathy.
Cathy, thank you for sharing this -- I too am tearing up here at work. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through losing both parents in such a short period of time ... especially at such a young age. I can empathize because I talk to my mom every day, and I can't even imagine what will happen when(ever) she goes. So sad.
Thinking of you today.
Hugs Cathy! I too have lost loved ones young in my life. I appreciate this "risk" you have taken sharing a part of yourself. I can't imagine having both my parents taken so soon and close to the same time. It is nice to know that through our memories and pictures they can always be with us. Thanks for this reminder to show our love daily to those we treasure.
A very special tribute to your mother, Cathy. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much for sharing this, Cathy. I loved reading about your mom, and the pictures remind me of my own mom.
You've gotten me a little choked up, Cathy, but what a loving tribute to your mom. It is so easy to take our moms for granted. Your post will help to remind me not to do that. Thanks so much for sharing.
She was one of a kind. Like you.
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